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28 Jun 2011
05:10pm

20 ways to survive in a horror movie. →

justnithya:

A quick run-down should you ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie and would prefer to live to tell the tale.

1. Don’t have sex.

  • Seriously
  • Abstinence is key.

2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day.

  • I don’t care how good he says his weed is
  • he is cuckoo bananas
  • and he wants you dead.

3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.

  • There are six words you should YouTube, should you get the chance
  • “Kevin Bacon in Friday the 13th”

4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE.

  • If the killer can’t see you or hear you WHY WOULD YOU MOVE?
  • Possibly the easiest rule to follow and, ironically enough, the easiest to break.

5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause you never know when you’ll need to run through the woods.

  • Someone will always be barefoot
  • Or in heels
  • Or just plain clumsy
  • And will sprain their ankles
  • And die.

6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.

  • Don’t walk around looking for people
  • House of Wax, anyone?

7. Don’t be a hero.

  • Unless you’re name is Harry Fucking Potter, you will die.
  • Hell, maybe even then.
  • I mean.

8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.

  • The killer is there.
  • Also your dog is dead.

9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.

  • The last thing you need is to be killed while trying to merge on the expressway.

    10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help.

    • Some part of your body will wind up in his pick-up truck

    11. Don’t go into the basement.

    • They are creepy enough without you dying in one.

    12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN.

    • At some point, someone in the house heard voices and cracked.

    13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.

    • It is obviously your wisest choice.
    • SEE ALSO: poltergeist, daughter trapped in tv because of.

    14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism. 

    • Move very very far away
    • Because there’s blood on your walls.
    • Blood.
    • Your
    • Walls
    • Are 
    • Bleeding.

    15. Don’t act like a detective.

    • Some crazy Japanese kid who meows like a cat will attack you in a closet.
    • If you live, awesome story to tell your friend, right?
    • But if you die, it is like the opposite of awesome.

    16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at.

    • If more than five reports for “Missing Persons” pops up, you know not to go there.
    • Issue. Solved.

    17. Don’t get drunk. Or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.

    • Running away from a killer is that much harder when you’re tipsy and giggling.

    18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you.

    • It is the killer.
    • ALSO: laughing while saying, “Tommy, is that you in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared!” is not conducive to your surviving.
    • Killer’s are very sensitive about their disguises.

    19. Don’t take a shower.

    • ONLY APPLIES IF:
    • It’s past midnight at the campground you and your sorority sisters are staying at or
    • The lock to the door doesn’t work and you hear creepy piano music

    AND THE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT:

    20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.

    • Clearly the killer is not outside, now is he

    Addition to number 9. You might also find Rebecca Black.

    (via theweird-and-thebeautiful)

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      rules i live by.
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      Tommy, is that you in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared! Omfg more please. this was so entertaining
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